Horror Story

Okay, so this is one of the worst stories I have ever had to tell. It's the kind of story that guarantees me a little spot in the hottest portion of Hell. Yes, it's that bad. It's the kind of story where I will beg you not to judge me. It's the kind of story that goes a little something like this:

Right, so I work at Animal Kingdom. We have animals there. Weird, right? It's fine. Well yesterday, I was walking along, doing my thing, about to go and collect those abandoned strollers. Suddenly, a very concerned guest comes up to me and points out a little baby duckling who is looking very lost, and very frightened in the middle of the road. Awesome. Now I get to save some duck. So maybe I hate animals; it's fine. I tell her to hang in there, that I will go talk to someone, and get this taken care of. (Just puttin' her at ease...) I go and talk to someone from Guest Relations, because their job is to know everything. She tells me that sadly, there is nothing that can be done. Because the ducks are not Disney owned, and are just natural wildlife, if they were to call someone to take care of them, they would take them and destroy them. That's no bueno, so she told me to just push it off to the side back to where it was. So, with a plan in mind, and a mission to save this duck in my heart, I set off. I'm going to save this duck. The guest was there trying to guard it, looking quite distraut. I promised that I would take it back to it's mother and not to worry. I tried to shoo it off back to the "wild" but it would have none of it. So instinct took over, (you know, those natural born duck saving instincts) I scooped up that little duckling in my hands, and set off to find it's mom. Now, I'm not an animal person. As in I hate them, but in that moment that I picked up that duck, I loved it. I really did, and I was determined to get it home safely. So I walk around the oasis looking for all the other ducks. Meanwhile, all the other guests are freaking out, "Oh! Look! She has a baby duck!!" Once again, I don't know what it is about nature, but people freak out. For real. Whatev. I had a mission; I was going to find that poor little ducklings mom, so help me; so help me. So I find the little pond where a bunch of female ducks are just chillin. So I think to myself, "Hey, maybe we'll get lucky, and one of these ducks will be motherly, and you know, take this poor thing under it's wing." (Litterally) So I set the duckling through the fence, and tell him to go on home. He runs to the water and calls for his mom, and my heart was happy. I was feeling pretty good. He was home safe. Or so I thought. The moment he gets into the water, all of the female ducks around him start freaking out. He starts following them around, and they hiss at him, and try to dodge him. Now I'm thinking this: "What the St. Francis. This doesn't look good." Then suddenly all of those stupid ducks gang up on this little baby and start pecking at him!!! It was like a gang fight. For ducks. It was awful. And I was so concerned about the little guy; I started screaming at the other ducks, causing the group of guests that had gathered around me to look on with alarm. But to no avail. These horrible duck mothers were killing him. Suddenly I couldn't watch any more. It was too horrific for me. I had to just walk away as nature killed the only duck I have ever loved. It was one of the worst moments of my life. And it was all my fault. Pretty sure I almost bawled my eyes out. Especially when my co-worker announced to the entire break room that I killed a baby duck. Thanks Brian. You're a pal. That is why I'm going to Hell. Write to me from the Celestial Kingdom, okay? Thank you, and goodnight.