Monday, June 30, 2008

Dating and Courtship Secretly Equals Death

So, I'm pretty sure that my dating and courtship class is going to be the death of me. Indeed, I dread that class more than any other I have ever had. Yes dear readers, even more than Astronomy. That is how much I loath this wretched class. I started with such good intentions and high hopes. I had a good attitude about it. Alas, it is all gone now. For some bizarre reason, I thought that my extreme hatred for having to talk about that crap (dating, courtship, marriage, families, that crap) had somehow disappeared. Oh, how wrong I was... I hate talking about dating. I hate talking about marriage. I hate talking about courtship. I hate those Family classes. Now, I'm sure that I will probably go to Hell in a hand basket for my extreme dislike of such important topics. It's not that I hate the topics themselves... I just hate discussing them. "How do you feel about that?" (What is this? Therapy??) I feel feelings of animosity towards you!!! That's what I feel!!! To top this lovely scene off, I'm pretty sure I have a D in my dating and courtship class. That would explain so much. And it's not entirely my fault. Okay, so maybe it is. But you don't understand the conditions in which I have to subject myself! So my professor is a therapist. So pretty much any time I say anything in class, I get the sneaky feeling that he is analyzing my every word. I keep feeling that at the end of the semester he is going to hand me a bill and a certificate stating that I hereby suck at dating. (Like I need a professional reinforcement on that subject...) I'm perfectly aware of how much I do in fact suck at dating. Upon careful analysis of my dating life while in this class, I have come to the strong conclusion that I only date jerks...ever. Jerks or creepy stalkers who want to marry me. No thank you, Steve. So it's been a slightly depressing semester, realizing that not only are my past dates riddled with jerks and awkward moments, but all two of my dates this semester have been an excellent display of both: The Jerk Date, and The Awkward Date. If you want to heart these fabulous stories, please give me a call. They are far too good to just read. You have to get the full effect. Okay, so that was in interesting sidetrack... moving right along. So my professor may in fact be the death of me as well. I have Dating and Courtship at 9 AM on Mondays and Wednesdays. No big deal, right? It's not that early. Alas. My professor has the most soothing voice I have ever heard in my life. It puts me to sleep faster than anything else in this known world. It's kind of a problem. So I pray SO hard before every class to stay awake. And most times it works, but some mornings, his voice is just too much. There was about four classes in a row that I would be out in the first 8 minutes. It kind of made him mad... He would always announce to the class that those of us who do not get enough sleep at night should try to work on that. He would always look at me. But I'm pretty sure I was half-way dead to the world whenever he made this little announcement, because of course, he said it so soothingly!! And I can't possibly tell him that it is his voice that causes me to get sleepy! How awkward would that be?? "Your voice is just so soothing, Brother Winfree..." Analyze that!! So such is my lament for my wretched Dating and Courtship class. But hey, I have learned a few good things. Like how to improve my marriage... Which is probably a really good thing, because when I try to talk to him, he just doesn't' respond... It's like he is not even there... I'm so worried. Wait... Thank you, and goodnight.


Mary said...


Emmilie said...

hey- this is the real deal. I can't even begin to describe to you how horrible this class is... my favorite day was the day we talked about human sexuality and anatomy!! OH MY WHAT FUN!!!