Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Man Hands

"You have really nice teeth."

This phrase will forever haunt me. It was a perfectly true statement as it came forth out of my genuine lips. We were running auditions for From the Heart and I wanted to sincerely compliment the talented man in front of me singing some melodious sonnet. 

In my head, I assessed his clothes, his voice, his face and searched my mind for an adequate compliment. Not wanting to sound like I was hitting on him, or that I was a creeper, I thought of the most harmless thing I could think of. Paul has fantastic teeth. And so I told him. 

Sounds of laughter erupted as Chathum, Spence and Carl looked embarrassed for me. 

"What?" I couldn't imagine what all the fuss could be about. Does he, or does he not have nice teeth? I will tell you. He does. 

Chathum and Spence never seem to let me live this down. It's fine. But what they don't know is that nice teeth doesn't do it for me. Nope. 

Do you remember in 2008, how Facebook had all those ridiculous quizzes that taught you what Disney princess you were, or which Twilight hunk was your soulmate? For the record, I was Belle, and my soulmate was Emmett. 

But one day, I came across a quiz called "What weird thing are you attracted to?" Intrigued, I began the quiz. Seven questions later, I learned that my "weird thing" was hair color. And that's when I knew that it was all a lie. 

Why, you may ask? I already know what "weird" thing I am attracted to. Hands. You heard me. I am attracted to good, strong hands. 

I have discussed this at length with my roommate, and she fully agrees. Men with girly, creepy, clammy, chubby or bony hands are not okay. 

Where did this stem from? I cannot tell you. But I do know when I first realized my oddity. In my K-12 days, (don't ask me which grade) I read a book called "Jacob Have I Loved." In it, the protagonist whose name I cannot remember is a young girl that becomes acquainted with an older man named Jacob. I don't remember the plot, but I can recall how fascinated she was with his hands. Quite frankly, it was a little disturbing. But after that, I started noticing that I also noticed men's hands. Before you start judging me, let me clear the air and say this: I am not a creeper. 

Now, in my search for love, I will have to not only keep in mind my dating potentials winning personality, charming good looks, dashing charisma, and dedicated spirituality, but he has to have good hands. Or he is out. 


Justine said...

I am exactly the same way. I would have said the same thing, p.s. Thank you, and goodnight.

Anita Komma said...

Mmm. Hands. Ditto to the above. It was part of my marriage criteria. Luckily that worked out.