I honestly don't know where this sudden outburst of anti-matrimony came from, but it's surprisingly passionate. For the record, I do want to get married someday, but someday eight years from now. I'm discovering more and more these days how much of a fear I possess for the future, and for commitment. Kind of a set back when contemplating marriage... or missions... or phone contracts... or gym memberships... I just can't commit. Sorry. Maybe that makes me a flake, or a pansy, or what have you, but at least I own up to it. Trying to commit to anything is like one big giant panic attack. Meanwhile the rest of the world has no problem saying yes to another person for time and all eternity. And while that is beautiful and so righteous, the thought of eternity with someone kind of makes me claustrophobic. What if he drove me crazy? What if he was mean? What if he snored? That wouldn't fly. So there you are dear readers. An insight into my soul. Judge if you must. I laid it all out on the line. Thank you, and goodnight.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Okay, I don't know what is going on but there has definitely been an increase in weddings. I don't understand it... but apparently the industry is booming. Maybe the "in" thing to do now is to get hitched. I can't lie though. Lately I've been slightly against the whole concept of marriage. Oh, don't get me wrong. I have a testimony of it, and I think that it's a great thing... it's just a personal thing. I couldn't see myself getting married any time soon. Men just seem to irritate me lately. "Rough hairy beasts!! With eight hands! And they all just want one thing from a girl..." hahaha, thank you Jack Lemon. (Someone name the movie, please...) It's fine. Anyways, lately every time I get on facebook I see in my little right-hand column of news-feeds that someone else has taken the plunge and gotten engaged... or hitched. It's getting a little out of hand. Perhaps we should do an intervention. Because I was highly curious, and because I'm kind of a square, I counted all of my friends on facebook who have gotten engaged or hitched in the past 9 months. 67 people. That's a little ridiculous. There seems to be an epidemic of infatuation, which is leading to an outbreak of wedding. No bueno.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Today was an interesting day. It was a day in which I got to relive some of the worst moments of my life in detail. The time when I was so sick for so long. My car accident. My parents divorce. I don't have too many memories from when I was sick. I have a few memories of being hospitalized. I remember being so scared that first night, waiting to be checked in, not knowing what was coming. I had run out of hope, yet I was still desperate to believe that everything was going to be okay. I remember the look on my mother's tear stained face as she watched me through the window on the other side of the door. I remember being strapped to a gurney, and riding in the back of an ambulance. I remember countless doctor's appointments all over the city. I remember thinking nothing was ever going to get better. I remember the car accident, and the chronic pain. I remember the physical therapy appointments that left me sore for days. I remember the feelings of weakness and aching. I remember the fear I felt when I found out that my parents were getting a divorce. I remember Thursday nights. Yet, I remember laying on the floor of that hospital reading my scriptures, desperate for some kind of peace. As I continued to read I felt that peace engulf my mind and my heart. For the first time in a long time, I felt hope. I felt the stirrings of happiness. I felt love. I remember the priesthood blessings after the accident that promised that I would be okay. I remember the whispering of the spirit that Christmas when everything about my family changed. I remember how we saw miracles. It is amazing to me to remember these moments of pain, and immediately be filled with an overwhelming sense of gratitude, love and appreciation for my Father in Heaven, and his beautiful plan. I would not be where I am today, nor this happy had it not been for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Through Christ I can do all things- including living each day happily with the knowledge that I am a daughter of God. That blessing is worth every night I spent in the hospital. It's worth every physical therapy appointment. It's worth every tear I cried. I love that fact that our Father in Heaven loves us enough to give us trials that will bless us in ways we can never foresee. I love God. Thank you, and goodnight.
Okay, so maybe I'm a bad person, but hear me out first. Right, so tomorrow I have to go to the DMV to get a new license, because guess what?? Mine expired in July, and guess who didn't have their birth certificate with them when they went to the DMV in Orlando?? Oh, yep- that'd be me. Emmilie Awesome Buchanan. Present. So now, to pay the price of my awesomeness I get to wait in line for approximately 8 hours, probably listen to some Tarzan music, get glared at by the wretched DMV worker who hates their job more than I hated operating a turnstile, and try not to get bamboozled by a door. Oh, and take the written test and the driving test. Did I mention that? Answer=I'm in trouble. I may or may not be what you would call a sketchy driver. Sometimes I don't pay attention, resulting in...problems... problems that always seem to cost money. Now don't get the impression that I'm some crazy woman driver. I'm just not as good as say... Jimmie Johnson. It's fine. I've also heard a rumor that Fortuna roads are narrower, and pesky people like to park their cars on the street, thereby making the roads even more narrow. Awesome. Thanks dudes. I may or may not have some anxiety in my heart about passing this test. Just saying is all. But, I have a plan. Now, this is where the whole "Is Emmilie an awful person?" question comes into play, but just bear with me. My plan is thus: Dress to the nines, put on some lip stick, actually do my hair, and flirt my way into a driver's license. Let's face it, I'm far better at flirting than I am at driving. So... why not play your strengths... right? Judge me if you must, but right now I need a drivers license. This is where the phrase "the end justifies the means..." come in handy. Thank you, and goodnight.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Do you ever have those days where you realize how much you miss someone? Such was today. I haven't seen this person in almost a year... and am not likely to ever again, but this morning I was reflecting my life, and it hit me. I miss him so much. This person is no longer a part of my life, yet it still surprises me how often my thoughts turn to him. I remember the good times we spent together, and the laughter we shared. I really miss that. I don't mean for this to sound depressing or as if I am bemoaning my current state. False. Life is great, and I am so grateful that he was part of my life, even for just a short time. It was just one of those things I had to get off my chest. So thanks dear readers. Thanks for listening. Thank you, and goodnight.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
So today I went for my bike ride/run, and tried not to hurt myself. It's fine. While I was riding I passed some deer crossing the road. They looked petrified. They stared me down, and the closer I got to them the more uneasy they became. I have never seen fear take hold of an animal so quickly before in my life. One of them wasn't even close, but the moment it saw me coming around the corner it started darting off in any direction it could think of in order to get away. I passed them, and thought to myself, "Wow, I'm so glad that I don't live in that kind of fear...." I stopped my bike so fast that I was almost thrown over the handle bars. I have been living with fear of the future for a few years now. But guess what, whether I like it or not, the future is coming right around the corner. I can try to run off in any direction to get away from it, but it's still going to come. Knowing that, wouldn't it be so much better to face it with faith rather than with fear? God has said that faith and fear cannot exist in the same place. I love God, so I choose faith. I will no longer fear, but go forward with faith to whatever comes my way. Thank you, and goodnight.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Do you ever have those days where you hear something at church, or work or school or wherever that your soul needed to hear? Do you ever feel like you were in the right place at the right time for the Lord to teach you something extremely important? Do you ever feel overwhelmed with this new knowledge that you have gained, because guess what? it means change is on the way? Such is today.
Over the past few days I have been thinking a lot about change. I still maintain the opinion that change is a good thing. It helps you grow. It helps you progress. It helps you learn. Thank goodness I'm not the same as I was 2 years ago, or even 9 months ago. Thank goodness for progression. Although change is undoubtedly a positive thing, it does bring with it a certain amount of trepidation and uncertainty. I think that it makes you stronger. For me, the future is a beautiful thing, however I have this thing called fear of the future. Maybe it is a fear of commitment. Maybe it's just that I've never experienced it so I don't know what to expect. Whatever the case, it still scares me. Yet the fear can be empowering. I can do anything; I have so many opportunities before me. I have my whole life staring me down from afar. It's exciting, but let's face it slightly terrifying all the same. Bring it on. Thank you, and goodnight.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
So I figured something out yesterday... I have been so stressed since I got home. That was a little odd to me. There has been some excitement here and there, but nothing that should cause me so much stress all the time. It's just life. While in the midst of a momentary freak out last night, it dawned on me. For the past 9 months, I haven't had a care in the world. My biggest concern was, "Oh snap! I have to be up in 5 hours..."Now I'm back in the real world, and guess what? Life happens. It's unexpected; it's less than ideal at times; it's stressful; it's expensive; it's painful; it's wonderful. You would have thought that I could have eased back into real life slowly after a 9 month vacation. But alas, life decides to come at you all at once sometimes. So I'm just along for the ride, with the acknowledgment that probably around 4:00 today I'll have another momentary freak out, go for a run, and every little thing will be alright. Thank you, and goodnight.
Friday, August 21, 2009
I am about to sound very ignorant... but a rant is in order. So hang in there, and just come with me along for the ride.
An expired license is the stupidest thing in the world to me. What the St. Francis. Yes, it's a valid form of ID. Yes, I have needed it a great deal lately. So what if it's expired. Just because the date has expired doesn't mean I have expired! I'm still the same! I still know how to drive, I still am 21... I still can open a savings account... I can still do all the things I could do before it expired, but now since a little plastic card is suddenly 5 years old, it no longer validates me as a person. Thanks guys. Thank goodness for girlish charm or else I would have never gotten onto that plane to come home. I couldn't open a savings account today because my license expired. I gave her my school ID as well. It clearly has my name on it with a picture of me, that is clearly me... and they wouldn't let me open the account. Squares. I'M VALID!!!!! I'M LEGIT!!! I promise... just let me live... so now I have to wait for my dad to take me to the DMV next week and take a bunch of tests... please bless that I pass.
Thanks. I vented. Don't judge me. Thank you, and goodnight.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Right, so I figured something out this week. It goes a little something like this: The beaches in Northern California are far colder than any beach in Florida. This was a slightly depressing realization to say the least. Let's compare and contrast these two places, with the foreknowlege that both places are wonderful in their own special ways. It's fine.
Right, so first we have Florida beaches. This is Clearwater Beach to be exact. Beautiful, warm, relaxing, warm, tropical, warm, and sunny. This is my kind of place.
This is the beach 5 miles away from my casa in Ferndale. It is a wonderful beach, but it is SO cold, and highly windy. A jacket was required. It was relaxing to watch the waves come in while your feet become frost bitten. It's awesome. Love freezing cold beaches SO much!!
This is what you and your peeps look like at the beaches in Florida. Shades: on. Surf: good. Sun: HOT. Smiles: yes. It is a good day.
Here, on the California beaches, we have two beach goers who seem to be in pain... Oh dear.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
I love Coldplay for so many reasons. This is one of them:
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.
This is another one:
Oh what good is it to live with nothing left to give
Forget but not forgive, not loving all you see
Are the streets you're walking on, a thousand houses long
Well that's where I belong and you belong with me
Not swallowed in the sea
You belong with me, not swallowed in the sea
Yeah you belong with me, not swallowed in the sea
How I love Coldplay. Thank you, and goodnight.
Right, so good thing I came home just in time for the Humboldt County Fair! That was a close one... I haven't been to the fair in years, and the memories associated with it are somewhat a blur. My dad's peppers winning a fancy award; getting a pony ride; rain; the giant yellow slide; watching the cow judging; fireworks, maybe? Like I said, a blur. This little fair was so much fun! Good ole' Ferndale... This fair was full of fine art exhibits, missing livestock (it's fine.) rides, giant smoothies, making 7-year-old friends on the swings, learning how much I suck at the ring toss, a tray of french fries as big as my face, making fun of the creamery princess, pounding it with Obama, face painting, hot chocolate, and family. It was a great day.
I found this awesome booth covered in posters just waiting to be won. The catch? You had to throw a dart onto the one you wanted. No trading allowed! There was a beautiful poster of the beautiful James Dean on the right wall. Oh snap. My aim is somewhat less than awesome. Last time I played darts I couldn't even pop the balloon. It's fine. So I tried my best and hit the Grateful Dead poster right next to it. Awesome sauce. Luckily, the lady running the booth who was missing teeth, and very sweet heard me say that I wanted the James Dean poster, and she hooked a sister up. That was great. Not only did she hook me up with the handsome James Dean, she also threw in a poster of Elvis Presley because she "just knew that I loved him too." Thanks pal. She was great.
Then we meandered our way over to the dime toss. This is my dad's favorite part of the fair, so 13 dollars and 130 dime tosses later, we won a giant green shark and a little nemo fish. That was awesome.
Pretty sure that one of my childhood dreams is to get my face painted... it's never happened before, and I always felt a little robbed. Never fear. I went to the fair, and guess what? I got a giant dinosaur painted on my face. It was legit. This really sweet lady, who was also coincidentally missing teeth showed me a facepainting book. I told her that I used to have the same one, and we became insta-friends. It was great. The she painted on my dinosaur, and made it magical by putting on sparkles with her own lip gloss... that was a little sketch I'm not gonna lie, but whatev. She was really sweet. Bless her. I kind of felt like a square for walking around with a dinosaur on my face, but not really. It was amazing. Then I had a dance party by myself to "I've Got a Feeling," my siblings laughed at me, and then we hugged it out. All in all, it was a great day. Love the fair; love the fam; love you; thank you, and goodnight.
Giant Tray of Fries!!! Can you say heart attack??
Me and my mom...chillin. Love her.
Pounding it with Obama. Word.
Serious Dime Tossers.
Freakin' Sweet Poster Booth. It's fine. And I love James Dean.
Love the Fair!! And hot chocolate! It was freezing!!
Monday, August 17, 2009
California is a nice place. However, it is highly cold. But that's alright. My family is here. I like them more than heat. And peanut butter. (Which is a lot of love by the way...) Ferndale is especially cute. People here are nice. Some of them are missing teeth, but we still think they are sweet. One time, I got to stay at a Bed and Breakfast in Ferndale where there was a bathtub in my bedroom. That was cute. Yes, Ferndale is a nice place. There are beautiful trees everywhere, and a huge cut out of a man bailing hay that scares me every time we drive past it. Yes, I like California. Thank you, and goodnight.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
I am convinced that our minds have pockets. Not just pockets, but pockets stuffed to capacity with memories that get pulled out every so often to amuse us, remind us, teach us, mock us, and even hurt us. Pockets that are brimming with memories, many of which will never come back to us. Yet on occasions, our subconscious likes to run amok in these pockets and remind us of things that we haven't thought of literally in years. Those are always interesting moments of reflection and often times wonder at how much has changed. Today I was digging around in my dating pocket, and I remembered some of the nonsensical moments of my high school career. I remembered ridiculous texting fights that I had with a silly immature boy, and the heartache that came when he broke my heart. Then I remembered how long it took me to get over said nonsense, and how distraught I was about the whole affair. That was silly. Very silly. Yet that particular pocket taught me how much I have learned and grown. (Thank goodness!)
Then I started digging around in the pocket labeled, "My Junior Year." The year in which things in my life changed a great deal. That was the year of the divorce. That was the year that I started to grow up. And even now, I am still learning things from "My Junior Year." Then I remembered the events that made up the week before I moved to Orlando and how much I have grown from all that. Then it occurred to me that all of these pockets house the different moments of our lives that seem to define us; mold us; shape us; create us.
But then it dawned on me that even though the pocket labeled "Awkwardness" seems positively bursting there will still be more than enough room for a plethora of memories to be added. Or the pocket called "Heartache" that on rare occasions feels quite full, will be stretched quite easily. And that lovely little pocket called "Joy" will thankfully, constantly be filling as well. So here's to all those memories that continue to teach, mold, mock, enlighten, inspire, and remind us of this beautiful thing called life. Thank you, and goodnight.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Right, so the turnstiles have taught me patience more than anything else in this known world. It has also taught me to deal with stress for long periods of time, like as in for hours at a time. Yet there is one thing in this world that stresses me out faster than anything else. It's called a haircut. Every time I get a haircut I get alarmingly close to doing a 180 on my life and going to cosmetology school. This frightening desire does not stem from what we would call an "inspiring" environment, rather the desire to be able to express myself to those blasted hair dressers in an intelligible way that gets across what I want. That is the most stressful and frustrating part about the entire experience; the fact that in my head I know what I want, but I can't explain to those bimbos with brushes exactly what I'm looking for. Oh! Oh! Oh! Let's also discuss the apparently impossible task of getting a decent bang trim. What the St. Francis? It can't be that difficult of a concept to consistently screw up! Cut bangs at angle. Done and done?False. And still, the entire institution continues to boggle the mind of women everywhere by bamboozling their bangs!!
And then, whilst you sitting in that spinny chair stressing, and wishing that you knew all of that impressive shampoo, scissors, and styling lingo, your darling hairdresser aptly named Rach, Erica, Rich, Barb, or Matt stands above you, round brush in hand belittling you. You know the kind of questions they ask you. "So where do you work honey?" As if you were a lost child trying to find your parents. Or my personal favorite "So you got a boyfriend, Sugar?" Every time I have ever been asked that by a hairdresser I have answered no, and every time I get two penciled eyebrows thrown up in surprise, a little bit of sass, and an "Oh... well, hmm." Thanks Barb. Love ya.
And so, all you sassy hairdressers out there, I may not know all the lingo... but I can write it out. So eat it; or cut it, whatever floats your boat. Thank you, and goodnight.
The number one problem with being a gypsy is that you don't know your address...ever. Trust me, folks that lack of knowledge can get you into some sticky situations. Like that time I made a reservation at a Disney Resort and couldn't remember my address in Arizona because let's face it, it changed three times... That was a funny time. The guy thought I was a total square because I gave him three different addresses and they were all missing information. Or all those times when some organization asks for your address and you can't remember at what point in your life you gave it to them the first time so you go through at least 5 different addresses until you tell them the right one. Or how about this morning when you wake up at 7 am on your day off to go ship crap home because they told you to get there early?So you go with your crap and the address for your PO Box...but guess what? It's more expensive to ship it to your PO Box. UPS needs your physical address. But guess what square? You don't know your physical address!! So not only do you come across as a total moron by saying, "Oh, um, I don't know my address," you can't even figure your physical address out! Because guess what? It's 7:37 in the morning, and your physical address is three hours earlier than you, and therefore anyone who would know your physical address is still sleeping soundly, just like you wish you were. I love being a gypsy. Thank you, and goodnight.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Right so the time is almost upon us dear friends. The time where Emmilie goes back. Back to real life; back to normalcy; back to cares and responsibilities; back to studying; back to jackets and hats; back to the Testing Center; back to awkward dates with the square from the library who happens to be in your ward; back to exercising in the Hart; back to eating healthy except for on sundays when everyone and their neighbors makes dessert to share; back to stadium singing; back to elevation; back to cold; back to everything. It's a very surreal feeling; the feeling that I'm leaving this place that has become in my mind, home. I love Orlando. I love everything about it, and truly, I will miss it. But it has been said, that all good things must come to an end, and indeed this has been good. Now it is time to end.
These past few days have been a whirlwind of memories for me. Winning a game of mini golf with my superior knowledge of Monopoly. Staying up until 3 in the morning watching Nacho Libre. Awkward foreigners- thank you, Epcot. Super Secret Spy-Crushes. Embracing my inner Hippie. Hunting alligators. Bruce and Sheldon. Cici's Pizza. The "Hell"icopter. Rotating at the Grand Floridian. Wendy's runs. Dwight Howard's deltoids. The beach. "Is that where the President eats?" Almost killing myself on my scarf...twice. Dance parties in Jared's car.
Indeed these past few months here in Orlando have been some of the best of my life. I would not trade a minute. I have learned so much about life; about love; about patience; about friendship; about leadership and examples; about everything. My testimony has been strengthened, and I have been enlightened on multiple occasions. How blessed I have been, and how excited I am to take what I have learned here and take on the world- or at least my small little section of Rexburg...
Thank you dear friends. Thank you, Courtney for being you and dancing it out with me all those nights. Thank you, Jordan for all of the laughs and "Guys, that was funny. That was funny guys." Thank you, Shaun for teaching me to be a little bit more of a hippie, and for making me laugh. Thank you, Shanae for story time, and those nights where we just laugh... a lot. (It's 3 AM... WHAT?!?!?) Thank you, Hannah. You are such an example to me, and I heart you. Thank you, Brett for all of your crap... love ya. Thank you, Jared... for everything- for all the rides, and remembering everything I forget, and well, everything. I heart all of you guys.
So I have 9 days left... crazy right? Let's remember the good times, and the great times. Let's always look back on these past 8 months and remember, "Um, yep... that was awesome. Amen."
Thank YOU, and goodnight.