Dear Men of the World, This One's For You

Alright all you men out there. I am going to give you some help. Granted, it is selfishly done because I am sick of the craptastic advances that always end in me turning my head and rolling my eyes. It's basically, well...crap. And it has gone on long enough. So here you go. Some of the Do Not's when it comes to dating. So take some notes, and prepare for change.

1. Don't show me how smart you are. Don't tell me how smart you were as a four-year-old, and how you are far superior to most normal four-year-old's. All it could possibly make me do is mock you into oblivion for you lack of smartness. I mean, really.
2. Don't try to impress me by calculating the total amount of edible venison that a deer would provide. Especially when we are watching a movie. I may have to punch you in the neck. I don't care that you know how to do that. I don't care that you know how to kill sweet woodland creatures and figure out how much you gained by their death. I mean, really.
3. Don't ever flex for me. Unless I ask you to, please refrain. And don't sit where you know I can see you in the gym, and work your butt off. It's not doing anything for me. I promise. I don't get any kicks from seeing your rippling muscles. I mean, really.
4. Don't ever tell me how much more superior you are than me because God blessed you as a man, and scorned me as a woman. I will kill you. I mean, really.
5. Don't ever show off how manly you are by how fast and how powerfully you accelerate. It's so stupid, and all it will really make me do is laugh at you. You look like a moron. I mean, really.
6. Don't correct my grammar. I can speak English just fine, thank you very much. And, when I don't just know that more than likely, it is for comedic purposes. Don't make me look like a moron. I mean, really.
7. Don't answer questions for me. I'll bash your face in. I mean, really.
8. Don't play your music insanely loud to show off your new and improved stereo system. I probably don't even care. As long as it's loud, that's all that matters. I'll be impressed if you like to listen to it as loud as I do. That's right. I mean really.
9. Don't stalk me. Creeper. I mean, really.
10. Don't think that you are funny when you joke about inappropriate things. You are not funny, and I don't admire you for it at all. I mean, really.

Okay men. This should help. Just don't be stupid. I should add that to the list. That will be your bonus one. Don't be stupid. Now, sadly enough, all of these things really did happen to me. All of this advice is based off of real life experience. For real life. Oh, and don't roll your eyes, and disregard everything I say! I forgot how much that ticks me off too!! Okay- had to get that one out. But really guys. Come on. Let's get with the program here. I mean, really. Thank you, and goodnight.