MASH

Every so often, someone completely awesome takes you by surprise and your life will never be the same. Such was our experience last weekend. Jared, Shaun, Jenica and I took a little trip to the International House of Pancakes, and while we were there, we met LaToya. And she freakin' rocks my socks. She is one of those highly sassy, highly awesome Southern black women who know how to kick some trash. And they fall somewhere in between scaring the crap out of you and inspiring you. Such is LaToya. 

It started out as an ordinary trip to IHOP, and naturally, we were all having a splendid time. There were a few inside jokes, some quoting of "Can I Have Yo Numba?'" some pancakes, and lots of syrup. Then the conversation grew more serious, and we started talking about that oh so wonderful game of MASH. (Remember that game you played in 3rd Grade to find out who your husband was going to be, and that you were going to have 43 kids in a shack? Oh yeah! It's all coming back now...) Now sadly, my dear friend Shaun Mayo apparently never had a childhood, and had never played MASH. That was just unacceptable, and I made a MASH for him. Well LaToya was bringing Jared back another Dr. Pepper half way through Shaun's future. LaToya apparently had a childhood, because she freaked out. "Are you plain' MASH?! I love that game! You gotta choose all the good stuff, like the swimmin' poo' and the nice cars. Oh I love that game!" LaToya was totally crushin'. (It's fine.) That was awesome; and feeling slightly more awesome myself, I finished up Shaun's MASH where he ended up with a Subaru Outback and 66 kids, married to Kat. Word. LaToya kind of freaked out when she found out that Shaun had 66 kids. And in her moment of freaking out, she passed on some advice that goes a little something like this. "You need to get 10 women dude, and then just have 6 kids with each of them." Um... too bad that only equals 60. 

So after having an awesome time with LaToya and the game of MASH, we departed. The next night after the hoe down, our stomachs were having hunger pains so we went back to IHOP, and guess who was working? Answer=yes. LaToya. And she remembered us, and it was sweet. And guess what we did? Ate pancakes and played MASH with LaToya. It was kind of an intense game of MASH. There were rounds involved. The first round was sweet because we made up answers for LaToya, because she was busy eating the cooks ribs in the kitchen. (Priorities, right?) This is what her future looked like with me choosing for her: Living in a shack, married to Roshawn. She and Roshawn have 3 kids. She was happily employed as a bookie, and drives a Lamborghini. (Spelling, Jared??) Not too bad. Roshawn sounds awesome. But then round two began. Round two consisted of LaToya sitting down at the table with us, and playing MASH. Word. This is what that future looked like: Living in a house, married to Shaq. She is happily employed as a Bounty Hunter and drives a 1976 Chevy Impala. Oh, and she and Shaq have 8 kids. Cute huh? 

So basically everytime I go to IHOP I want an awesome Southern black lady as my server who will play MASH with me. Even more, I want to be that awesome Southern black lady that plays MASH. Thank you, and goodnight.