Creep-o-Meter

Right, so I was watching the Food Network tonight, my other love, and Guy Fieri, who's last name is apparently really Ferry... whatever... was hosting. There has always been something about this guy that makes me feel a little sketchy. I've just never trusted him. I was watching him, when all of the sudden I realized that he had not one but TWO gaudy pinky rings. Fail. I don't trust men with pinky rings. Especially gaudy ones. Then, immediately after I realized that he was also wearing a gold chain necklace. Double fail. I also really don't trust men who wear gold chain necklaces. It's fine. Then, feeling slightly concerned, I realized that this fool also had two pierced earrings- thereby causing me to find a third reason not to trust him. To top it all off, my dear brother pointed out to me that he had facial hair that he probably stroked creepily. Indeed, he was correct. My mind exploded. Never in my life have I ever seen a person that has sent my creep-o-meter into such a high level of warped speed. I'm still feeling a little stressed. Wow. If ever you meet a man with gaudy pinky rings, gold chain necklaces, two pierced ears, and facial hair, run. Run fast. Thank you, and goodnight.