Awkward Emmilie

I wonder why I am such an awkward person... It's kind of annoying, and well, awkward. My life seems to be defined by these awkward moments... And that's just splendid. And not just my awkward moments, I seem to just attract awkward moments, because things around my turn into sheer awkwardness also. Let's examine this, shall we?

So, yesterday I was at the library trying to kill some time before Kinsey's concert. I was on the computer, as was this boy sitting next to me. He looked like he often spent his Friday nights at the library, but he was certainly content with that. Well, there I was minding my own business, and looking at books for my Psych class, when suddenly, I hear this really bizarre sound. As the strange sound continues, it becomes slightly more discernible, and the low moaning turns into The Christmas Shoe Song. I looked over at the boy in incredulous disbelief. Alas, he was singing the Christmas Shoe song with surprising gusto. He just kept going with unabashed shame; he was singing about those shoes with every ounce of his being. And at a time like this, all I could do was laugh. A lot. It was rather enjoyable too, because the other two girls in nearby me looked at the awkward musical boy, and then at me. I gave her what was undoubtedly an awkward face, because that is what I do.... and then we shared a nice little laugh together as the song continued to be sung. It was by far, one of my favorite trips to the library.

Another awkward chapter in my life was in the Hinckley Building. All of these people were walking by, saying "Hi!" So I got in a mood to say hi to people. However, the flock of people had already passed and my only option left was a guy sitting on the end of the bench that I was sitting at. So I waved at him and said hi, thinking that as a normal person, he would return the gesture, and say Hi back to me. Instead, he smiled, didn't say anything, and turned his head away, resulting in one of the most awkward moments of the day. What does one say in a situation like that?! Luckily I was with Kinsey, and we could both bask in the awkward moment, and laugh. However, she was quick to inform me that he was really attractive, and how unfortunate it was that I was so awkward. Sadly, this man is in my ward, and every time I see him, my awkward reflexes kick in. It's awesome.

Indeed, awkward moments define my life. And it has become sort of a defining aspect of my life. How awkward can Emmilie be today? Let's find out!! Even my conversations are awkward... It's great. So I have decided that the man who marries me has to have a great deal of patience for awkwardness. Thank you, and goodnight.

Are We Done YET?!

Okay, so don't think that I am a bad person or anything... but I am so sick of school!!! I love it as a whole, but I'm ready to be done. Amen. I realized that this is my second consecutive semester, so it's like a full year in high school, and I'm going insane!! All I ever want to do is procrastinate and play and blog. So the first two are not so great, but alas. What can you do? I just want to play in Orlando. I don't know if that is going to happen, but I'm hopeful!! I think it will all be good. I only have a month left... so that is good. And one of the weeks is all for me! Well, all for me to celebrate Thanksgiving with the family. That's even better! But I really am going crazy. Please pray for me. Thank you, and goodnight.

Dear Men of the World, This One's For You

Alright all you men out there. I am going to give you some help. Granted, it is selfishly done because I am sick of the craptastic advances that always end in me turning my head and rolling my eyes. It's basically, well...crap. And it has gone on long enough. So here you go. Some of the Do Not's when it comes to dating. So take some notes, and prepare for change.

1. Don't show me how smart you are. Don't tell me how smart you were as a four-year-old, and how you are far superior to most normal four-year-old's. All it could possibly make me do is mock you into oblivion for you lack of smartness. I mean, really.
2. Don't try to impress me by calculating the total amount of edible venison that a deer would provide. Especially when we are watching a movie. I may have to punch you in the neck. I don't care that you know how to do that. I don't care that you know how to kill sweet woodland creatures and figure out how much you gained by their death. I mean, really.
3. Don't ever flex for me. Unless I ask you to, please refrain. And don't sit where you know I can see you in the gym, and work your butt off. It's not doing anything for me. I promise. I don't get any kicks from seeing your rippling muscles. I mean, really.
4. Don't ever tell me how much more superior you are than me because God blessed you as a man, and scorned me as a woman. I will kill you. I mean, really.
5. Don't ever show off how manly you are by how fast and how powerfully you accelerate. It's so stupid, and all it will really make me do is laugh at you. You look like a moron. I mean, really.
6. Don't correct my grammar. I can speak English just fine, thank you very much. And, when I don't just know that more than likely, it is for comedic purposes. Don't make me look like a moron. I mean, really.
7. Don't answer questions for me. I'll bash your face in. I mean, really.
8. Don't play your music insanely loud to show off your new and improved stereo system. I probably don't even care. As long as it's loud, that's all that matters. I'll be impressed if you like to listen to it as loud as I do. That's right. I mean really.
9. Don't stalk me. Creeper. I mean, really.
10. Don't think that you are funny when you joke about inappropriate things. You are not funny, and I don't admire you for it at all. I mean, really.

Okay men. This should help. Just don't be stupid. I should add that to the list. That will be your bonus one. Don't be stupid. Now, sadly enough, all of these things really did happen to me. All of this advice is based off of real life experience. For real life. Oh, and don't roll your eyes, and disregard everything I say! I forgot how much that ticks me off too!! Okay- had to get that one out. But really guys. Come on. Let's get with the program here. I mean, really. Thank you, and goodnight.

Pain in the...

So let's contemplate the universe, shall we. Only in my universe could I have more weird and obnoxious problems within an almost three week time frame. I mean what the crap. For real life. You have read all of my other blogs, commenting on all of the weird medical crap that has been going on. Okay, so not really medical...but I have had so many weird things involving pain happen to me lately. I don't even know, but this is my life. I really am not bitter about it, just slightly incredulous.

So this morning started out like any other morning. I crawl out of bed as The Flight of the Conchords wake me up with their gangsta rap cross-over. I pour myself a bowl of cereal, and check the New York Times, just to make sure that nothing catastrophic with the world happened. Then I check my facebook to make sure that nothing catastrophic with my social life happened. All was well this morning. So I take a shower, and fight against fate and cold water. Then, as I am putting on my sweater, I get the weirdest, and most excruciating pain in my neck! For real! It was awful! I couldn't move my head to the right at all. So in a state of panic, I call my mom. In Arizona. She was like, okay... take something. (Yeah, I'm dumb before 8:15 in the morning. Thanks.) So I popped some pills, and attempted to try to get ready again. That was...fun. I was putting on my make-up, when all of the sudden, the pain spiked, and I literally had to hold up my head with my hands. I couldn't hold it up normally! For real life! I started crying because the pain was so bad! It was crazy! So I stumble out of the bathroom, and go try and lay down on my bed. It was slightly more difficult than I had anticipated. Than any normal person would anticipate. I couldn't use the muscles in my neck to put my head on my bed!!!! I had to do this weird acrobatic thing which eventually got my horizontal. However, I was literally paralyzed because the pain was so bad. I couldn't even move for like three minutes. It was kind of crazy. Not even gonna lie.

So as I lay there, I realize that my Mission Prep class starts soon... God told me to be better about going to that class, so I was determined to go. I said about eight prayers, and tried to get up. That was also fun. I had to swing my legs around, and try to build up some momentum to get myself off the bed. This was going to be an AWEsome day. I could already tell. It was the kind of thing that could and would only happen to me. And it did.

Well, all I can say is prayer works, because I was able to finish getting ready. Slowly, I might add, but I was ready. And only three minutes late for Mission Prep. So not so bad... considering. So that was my adventure this morning, which has become my all-day adventure. My neck hurts so freakin' bad!!! I just laugh about it, because it is so typical me. I mean really, who else? Thank you, and goodnight.

Waiting for Godot...

Okay, so Waiting for Godot is one of my favorite plays; thank you Samuel Beckett. It is a very existential play, and as such is not as nearly as appreciated as it should be. It is about two men who wait for a man who never comes. (More or less... there is a lot of brilliancy in between) It's been called the play where nothing happens twice. Basically it is a play all about waiting.

Why am I offering a review? Well... my life has become all about waiting. I'm waiting for a little email from the Disney Company to tell me how my life is going to go for the next few months. It's completely out of my hands, and in the Lord's. Which really, is a far better place to be, wouldn't you say? But the anticipation is killing me. I really want to know what is going to happen. And yet, I am experiencing a surprising amount of patience, considering that it is me. I know that it is all going to be okay no matter what the outcome is. I guess you could say that I am more excited to find out than impatient. I know that as soon as they can, they will let me know. And Holy St. Francis, having patience makes life so much easier. I never thought that I would be able to say that, but it does. Thank goodness! Now not by any stretch of the imagination am I saying that I am a patient person. But I will say that I am slightly more patient than I was about six months ago. It's amazing what can happen when you have to be patient!!!

I think that I really just needed to get that out. There was really no order to this blog, so I hope dear readers that you enjoyed the inner-workings of my mind just then. That's right. Just relish in it. Thank you, and goodnight.

Procrastination=Bondage

Right, so last week, apart from some pretty sweet blogs, I accomplished nothing of importance. For real. However, I now am paying for it, and it is oh so craptastic. While still waiting to keep my goal of blogging everyday, I am offering this little disclaimer right now. I have a 10 page Representative Profile due in 11 days. And it's a lot of freakin' work. So this is me, telling you that my procrastination has put me into extreme bondage, and now have no choice but to do homework either until Thanksgiving Break, or death. Whichever one comes first. So dear readers, I will keep you informed, but I hope that you will forgive me for any lack of wit that may come as a result of not having any bloody time. Thank you, and goodnight.

Shuttle Me

So yesterday I rode the shuttle to Sandy. It was a party and a half, I can tell you that much right now. I get on, and the driver is none other than one of my friends named Sterling. (They are everywhere!!) But this particular friend named Sterling is more of an acquaintance named Sterling. We have never actually hung out or anything, which is fine, but it could make things awkward when he is your driver for five hours. I was really worried that he would want me to sit in the front with him... More than most things, I hate making small talk on a trip. I can do small talk, but I absolutely detest it on a trip with the stranger who is giving you a ride. This was a little different, but the concept and the feeling was the same. So that was no good. Luckily, I was able to sit in the back. Which was awesome until he still started talking. Now don't get me wrong. I love talking to Sterling, because he is so nice, and you know, we are pretty good acquaintances. It was just weird, because there was a row of seats in between us, and I could barely hear him because of the distance and the shuttle. (That thing is loud!) But I told him all about my major, and what I've been doing, and Disney auditions, and blah, blah, blah.

We stopped at a hotel in Rexburg to pick up some other passengers. There was this kind looking old man who had everything in little plastic bags. It was kind of funny though, because when Sterling asked what was in the bags, the old man just hugged them to himself, and tried to hide them. Sterling just backed away. We get back on the shuttle, and Sterling goes back to driving. But the old man keeps switching seats that are closer and closer to mine! And I was a little concerned, but that's just the paranoia in me coming out. Don't worry. It was a little weird until we got to Idaho Falls, but it was only going to get better because Idaho Falls brought a story of its own.

Two of the passengers had service dogs with them. They were really cute dogs. However, I don't know how trained they were as service animals, because you would occasionally hear this woman screaming at the top of her lungs, "Princess!! Get DOWN!!!" Apparently the dog had tried to steal her seat. It was really funny, because she just kept freaking out. I probably should not laugh at blind people, (just a thought,) but you do what you can. So the woman finally got her seat back from her service dog, and settled in. The other passengers began to find their seats, while steering clear of the dogs that were sprawled out on the floor in the back. And every time a person would enter the shuttle, the woman would rather loudly announce that it was all okay, because they were service dogs. Oh, good. Then, this poor woman admitted that she had horrible allergies to dogs, and would be sitting up front. "Don't worry, honey! We shampooed these dogs last night! And we used hypo-allergenic stuff! It's all okay, these are service dogs." She repeated this about 8 times.

She then began to announce to everyone how much the dogs love to travel. It was kind of weird. But apparently the pilots love the dogs, so it's all okay. She then went into this big whole story about how there was some Japanese woman who owned a convenience store who would not let them into the store. She was still a little bitter about it, and started talking about how Japanese people hate blind people, and how they just kill them because they can't tolerate them. At this point I almost lost it. The old man behind me, and right next to this woman is Asian. I don't know exactly where he was from, but we will all just say a little prayer that he is not from Japan. That could have gotten awkward. But I was trying so hard not to make too much noise. It was awesome. This is why I take the shuttle.

Meanwhile, the old man behind us, whose ethnicity is still in question kept pulling out these nasty moon pies. (You know, the Little Debbie's Cakes that are secretly fake food.) That's what was in the bag that Sterling tried to take!! His moon pies!!! I would randomly hear the crinkling of the plastic wrapper, which was always followed by the over-powering smell of fake chocolate. He had about six of them in the space of four hours!!! At first it was a nasty smell that did not agree with my gag reflexes, but as it got later and later, that nasty chocolate smell started to smell heavenly. He was a really nice old man though. So that was good. He just kind of scared me at first.

So, all in all, it was a very eventful trip to Utah. I really hate taking the shuttle, but at the same time, it is so entertaining that I don't really know if there is any other way to travel. Try it some time. And then look for my play on Broadway. Shuttle Me. Thank you, and goodnight.