Sunrise

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say


I cannot explain why, but these words speak to me. It brings my soul relief like a cool glass of water on a swelteringly hot day. My life is blessed, but it has taken a stressful turn here lately, and I seem to always be falling a few paces behind. The different portions of my life are running a marathon together, but they can never keep up at the same speed. Sometimes it's my energy that is lagging, some days it is my social life. Often times it's my job, sometimes it's my calling. Sadly, recently it seems it is my spirituality. 


I believe in God like I believe in the sun. I know that someone far wiser and faithful than I spoke those words, but the attribution escapes me. I believe in His plan, His love, His Son. But I also believe that if we remove ourselves from God, it seems that he has left as well. Deep in my heart, I know that he is always there; it's me that has pushed him away. But it's hard to climb my way back up the steep cliff of frustration to catch a glimpse of the blinding sunlight again. 


I realized tonight that I have become a builder of walls. Strong, sturdy walls that block my self, my soul, my heart from those that surround me. It's a game of control. If I let myself get too attached, I might lose. It's a fear that can lead to paralysis. A fears that threatens to consume. A fear that I must conquer. 


Though at times like this my faith seems to wane, I know that as long as I hold on to that small glimmer, the rest will come and slowly and surely, like a sunrise illuminating my own valley of despair. The light will come, it's me that has to hold on.