Reminiscent

There is always a little thrill that runs through the confines of my heart as I sit before a blank screen, a blank page. It's the time that I can escape to the quiet oceans of my mind. The thoughts rush like waves, methodically and gracefully at times. Others propel themselves with great force against the jagged cliffs and coarse rocks. But despite the changes in tempo, they are mine. Those whom I share them with are craftily selected, each time a bond of something reminiscent of trust strengthened.

As I sit on my bed, a quiet oasis of thought, my back slumped against the dreary white wall, legs crossed, foot bouncing to the muffled sounds of a movie from the front room. I dissect the memories of today from the reality of my here and now.

Sometimes I forget that I have lived nearly 24 solid years of experiences.

I still think of myself as a silly 12-year-old hobbling down the road on crutches, embarrassed that the world might see her.

I think of a 13-year-old who suddenly realized that Jesus Christ was her Savior and Redeemer. 

I think of a 14-year-old. Awkward, bumbling and insecure.

I think of a 15-year-old, recovered from years of darkness who finally started to discover who she was.

I think of a careless 16-year-old just learning to drive. Her face hot with shame as she successfully experiences a second accident in one week, vowing she will never drive again.

I think of a 17-year-old watching her family change drastically as divorce papers were signed, boxes packed up and words exchanged.

I think of a 19-year-old. Silly, foolish and hopelessly in love with any boy that looked her way.

I think of a 20-year-old who, thanks to dear friends, long drives and warm beaches helped her gain a little thing called confidence.

I think of a 21-year-old who lived in fear of the future. A girl who was petrified to move forward.

I think of a 22-year-old who had to lose herself along the wide expanse of a foreign land called Montana.

I think of a 23-year-old who learned a little more about love, friendship and trusting in God.

I think of a nearly 24-year-old. I can't help but smile in spite of myself. Life has been good to me. Each day is an expression of a compilation of past days lived.

My life is an unwritten story. That same little thrill electrifies my heart as I ponder what lies ahead. It's mine to write; mine to capture; mine to experience.

It's a journey that will be taken with great effort, great deliberation and great calculation. But I have learned that forward is the only direction to go. So I will walk with God at my side. I will step into an unknown territory as I write the rest of my story, day by day by day.