Crossroads

Tonight I laid in bed, the heat from the day sweltering in my room. A muggy, gritty feeling was left cascading over my body. It was a peaceful sort of night. My muscles ached dully from an emotionally and physically draining week.

It was a week of deliberating, contemplating, supplicating and debating. In the end, however, decisions were made, assignments completed, articles published and progress noted. I grew up a little more this week; it has left me exhausted.

As the clock ticked closer to morning, my mind reached a familiar crossroads. It's a place where the past, present and future collide, merging in and out of each other leaving my calloused heart feeling raw.

As I laid in the heat, my ancient mattress creaking in complaint with the slightest shift in movement, my thoughts turned to the past week. "What a beautiful mess," I thought to myself. It was a week of hopes and disappointments. Moments of growth masquerading as moments of struggle.

I recalled a warm evening I spent in the company of a dear friend, sitting on a stone bench outside a sacred building at the top of a hill, the soft breeze blowing lightly on my bare legs. I looked at the magnificent structure and thought of the hours of work and dedication sacrificed by a skilled architect.

 My thoughts wandered to my dear carpenter. As I thought of the interest he took in helping me build my own life, I couldn't help but smile in spite of myself. I considered how he repeatedly bolsters my faith as he wraps me in his loving, omnipotent arms. All that is left for me to do is trust.

I am confident in the light of the day. As the sun sets, the air cools and the colors fade into night, my mind travels closer to the crossroads, and I am left to my doubts.

It is the crossroads that stirs the fear. The memory of moments long gone, the fear of disrupting the present and forgoing the future. Yet that intersection of reality is where one faces the soul head on. That vortex of truth sucks each of us in. Lie, we cannot. Fear, we cannot. Doubt, we cannot. The only thing that allows us to escape the crossroads is the brutal honesty that can only come from within.

It is cleansing. It is not always pleasant, nor pretty. But it's healing. Is where the soul answers the foolish questions of the mind. The mind calms the heart. The heart takes a greater resolve, and the soul complies. We have come full circle at the crossroads. We have come to ourselves.

Tonight, in that muggy, musty room, I entered the crossroads, and came out whole.